daily reflections

GOAL

2010-10-25T08:36:00.001-07:00

TOP 3 in the course.

I will b e the very best as I always aim to be. The star is my motivation. I shall achieve.

it has been 10 months since my post

2010-10-25T08:14:00.000-07:00

it has been 10 months since my last post. well 10 months... not exactly a very long period of time but so much has happened... both at work and at home.

got my bwc. closed up as ano. accomplished quite a few things within the squadron.. minute in nature but i guess it all adds up.. work wise, i would say that it had been fruitful, eventful and quite satusfying at times although there were challenges. Once again, at I'm at the junction of deciding what's next.. well not exactly.. may be it doesn't matter what I choose cos the choice does not really lies with me.. I know what I want but this time round, I may not be able to get what I want.. all said abt the system in place, all said about how I feel. time to move more.

I guess what is critical for me now is to decide how I can make the best out of whatever the outcome is... NO or Aops. these are very different roles and the experience is likely to be vastly different. there are some comforting factors if I do not become Aops. NO is indeed a high calling, a role entrusted with heavy respsonsibilities, a position where many skills will be honed, when performed well, it is a role that demands envy and respect.. not easy at all. i recognise that. I guess that it is indeed an honour to have senior commanders who have faith in me to perform this role. An honour indeed and a testament to the trust they have in me. I am not too sure what I am afraid of.. what is the cause of my aprehension? I am not sure.. a fear of going through the same old things again, a fear of doing something which I think I may not be best fitted for, a fear that stems from a lack of good role model.

If I were indeed put into this position. I know I can make lemonade out of lemon. I am pretty sure that i will do the job well... but where is the passion? Am I able to make myself love this job? questionable. then, what happens to my wish to be a top PWO? I do not see that NO helps in this long term goal of mine. I am concerned.

One thing is sure, regardless of my posting, I will make the best out of it. Set goals for myself and the people under my charge. I will do well for myself and for the good of those whom I serve and I lead. I must be a good living example who exemplifies good and inspiring leadership. I will succeed. No matter where I am placed, the next appointment will be one that I make difference. I will succeed. I will leave a good and enduring leagcy.

family wise, pretty big headache. all that should be said has been said. Just hope that ah ma can get well soon and be happy for the rest of her golden years. It was heartening to see that everyone in the family rallied to give our best care to her. But it was also disheartening to observe how poor decisions were made at times and to see individual behave in less than desirable manner...

evenful 10 months. a mixed of Ups and Downs.

Life goes on. 2011 is going to be busy. I need to start making more $$$

Final Burst - I can do it!

2010-01-13T09:35:00.000-08:00

I will aced it. Top 5. I will be as impressive as I can be. I will be as convincing as I can be. And I will deliver the presentation with a punch!

I can do it. nothing stands in my way and I will achieve it. I have come so far and I will complete it. Nothing is going to divert my attention from achieving my goal. I will do it!

Reflecting on the past 2 months

2009-07-07T04:54:00.000-07:00

I have started work for nearly 2 months now. I think it is good time to ask myself what I have accomplished thus far and what I intend to achieve in the critical 6 months period ahead.

Things completed/ ongoing:
1. EJS pilotage plan
2. F_SS exhibition/ *** learning Festival
3. intro to course/ recap on basic theory
4. some admin and logistics stuff
5. knowing people =)

Am I happy? i think I ought to be happy because there are many more good things that are happening than negative things =) But it seemed that I am always very mean to myself... am I expecting too much and pushing myself too hard? I may need to slow down a little and learn to be grateful for the little things in life...

I should be feeling very happy because:
1. I have achieved my first class honours (Academic goal for undergraduate studies)
2. I have secured coomendation award for best performance for II and a Book prize
3. I missed the medal but this is life.... I so wanted to get the medal but I knew that the odds were against me. I regretted not putting in the effort to fill in the form - that caused me another award... well, I am happy that I am honest to myself cos' I do not have a nomination in mind.

Undergraduate life i over so no point looking back and regret missing the awards. I have secured what i deserved and I should be happy! Why am i feeling neutral? I am too competitive... I want to win every single award if i could... i recognise that my desrei for drive and ambition would cause neglect to others and turn some off.... I have to continue to learn to manage this competitiive streak in me! Show more empathy. Be grateful and be sensitive to others..... If i am not satisfied with my achievements... 99 percent below me would be worse off... but they are ceertainly not! life is cannot be quantified by the number of awards earned but by the positive impacts we have on other. People remember us for what we are, how we led our lives and not the number of awards we have achieved.... I need to look at the macro view of things... learn to be grateful and be satisfied with life as I am already doing very well =) there's no end to competition... there's no ultimate FIRST position.

Opportunities: right in front of me at the moment! SEIZE IT! I shall not be wishy washy!!! I want to be the class president becasue I know I will do my best to serve the batch. I need not worry about my 'performance'. I just need to be sincere to people. do what is right and all things will fall in place. This is possibly one of the rare chance for me to overcome the system. I should GRAB it! Am i being too sensitive that some people have doubts on my capabilities? Time will show. For now, I look up to Nelson as a role model for leading the class. he glorifies god. I am not a christian but my purpose is to make my family and friends proud. I want to lead because this is a chance to put myself to test and I will show that I am competent. I did it before. There was a short disruption and I withdrew. Now, I am ready to go again. I want to do singapore proud. I will defend this land proudly with my life. I will do my best to train myself so that I am always ready to serve and lead.

Now, I pray that I am blessed with good mates. Excellent PR, Patience, Sympathy, Knowledge, Fairness and justice. I want to serve and influence. I want to be the president because I am willing to sacrifice to make a positive impact on others and lead my batch to become one of the best performing batch! This is NOT for any personal gain. There is no politics involved and no bad feelings. I hate politics. I treasure friendships and camaraderie.

May I be blessed!

3 weeks into working life

2009-06-04T08:41:00.000-07:00

going slow. pretty relax. it's time to sit down over a cup of coffe during this weekend to reflect and write down my goals and objectives for the next 12 months... hoping for some good news this june. but... maybe not =(

Working Life

2009-05-20T08:58:00.000-07:00

19th May 2009 - First day of work

Wish List:
1. BSc First Class Honours - 22 May 09 (24 yr 03 mth)
2. Scheme 'C'
3. Top 5 in ***
4. Highly Competent Navigator
5. 10-12 Months Target for first appointment

I wish that I can enjoy every single moment at work and achieve many things to feel accomplished. Be happy, Stay healthy! Pray that everything will be smoothing sailing and happy for me =) Cheers!

4th May 2009, 12pm

2009-05-03T21:11:00.000-07:00

I am Done with SCHOOL!!! GRADUATE LORHZ!!! HAHA.

fyp: A/A-
PM: A+/A
HM: S (B+)

BACHELOR OF SCIENCE (FIRST CLASS HONOURS)!

Work Hard...NO WORK HARDER

2009-04-30T10:05:00.000-07:00

22 apr 09 was my last examination for my undergraduate studies. I have rested for a total of 8 days. total relaxation without much worries. NOW, it's time to work doubly hard to make up for loss time. I NEED to PERFECT my Presentation! Give me the gift of speech, wittiness, intelligence and charm to score a PERFECT for my presentation!

I CAN DO IT! I MUST ACHIEVE! ONLY AFTER 4TH MAY 09..IT'S OFFICIALLY OVER! I WILL GET MY FIRST CLASS HONOURS!

One thng that kept bugging me these few days.. the relapse of my grandma's illness. ai~~ what on Earth is this? Grandma and Ah Gong are old... give them some peace, love and enoyable moments together ya! Why make one ill and the other suffer together? They have both led an honourable life... in all hardships, they survived and brought up 4 children. It was not easy at all. Ah Gong started work at 10 when he came to Singapore... How lucky are we and the kids today..yet we still complain. He never had any education... but he worked more than 15 hours a day to earn money to support his brothers and his own family. It was through hardship, good bosses, honesty and perserverance that he succeed in life and rise up the ranks in the company. the other sad part of the equation is my 2 aunties. What's wrong with them? Can't they just learn to communicate better and love each other? it's frstrating... and annoying to see that 2 old enough people are making their ageing parents worry for them! what on earth is this?

I am glad that I stay put in Singapore for the last 4 years.. cant imagine if I were to be away for a long time.. I am happy that I had a decent education and managed to spend time with my family. travelling to many places these 4 years also made the last 4 years a rewarding period. I have fulfilled my objectives of seeing as nuch of the world as possible when I am young..

kk, back to do my work.. I will do well! I must do well! there is no second option! I will practice, rehearse and be harsh on myself.. I am going to aced it! I want my Grade A!

FYP: A-/ B+
PM: A+/A
Human Motivation: Satisfactory (A-)

Final exams

2009-04-14T08:52:00.001-07:00

2 more papers to go before i graduate =)

First paper - Core subject. just 1 day away... not so sure how I'm feeling at the moment. mixed feelings... want it to be over asap.. but not so confident to sit for the paper now. 1 day more of revision to go before exam. last minute.. as usual. I hope for A+ or minimun an A =)

Can I get my First Class Honours? Not so sure. I can only pray hard. I did all I could. I guess most importantly, I did not let myself down. I tried my best and I hope all turns out well. I have waited for 4 years for this day to come. Can my goal be realised? It would be most painful if I fail to achieve it. but then again, its just a piece of paper.. how can i judge my self worth base on a piece of paper? I duno.. I really duno. I guess I will feel happier for at least a few weeks if I get my First Class Honours. If not, life goes on as normail and forget about giving back to school..lol

What will be happening in the next one to two months? Very exciting and very uncertain. where would I be assigned to? I do not know. I just pray to meet very good peers, subordinates, seniors and mentors....

No matter what, no matter where. I can choose to be happy and satisfied because I have accomplished much which many are not comparable...

cheers, stay happy, excited and positive!

Traumatised.

2009-03-05T07:00:00.000-08:00

First time ever in my school life that I walked into class without knowing that there is a test/quiz. And this happens also to be my last quiz of my undergraduate studies. I am pretty traumatised... not sad... but just traumatised. freakz.

hope i can pass. will be more than happy to pass. 'caught with pants down', crapzz... god bless.

The Race is not Over!

2009-03-03T23:15:00.000-08:00

Final Semester- The race is not over. Always remember the story of the pilot who was shot down after his mission. Now, this is the final lap- Final Year Report and 2 more subjects to go!

Keep focused and Work Hard! Here's how things should go:

A Grade for final year project + 2 As for academic Subject => First Class Honours (plus maintain Dean's List) => Start Work => Do well (Top 5 Percent) in navigation course and build up solid foundation naval knowledge => Get involved in major projects and exercises => A Grade for appraisal.

Target: Final Year Report to come in TOP for the cohort. It must be so good that I get recognised and that companies offer me jobs after reading my report! I will work extremely hard to achieve it. I can do it! Ignore all distractions and barriers that are in my way cos Nothing comes in my way!

Completed thus far for Yr2009:

1.Purchase of house =)
2. Survey data collection for fyp
3. Booking of mid year trip
4. Short competition and friendlies matches

Now that I am 24... focus on building career (wealth), knowledge, relationships and maintaining a balanced lifestyle. Planning for ROM.... some time not too far away.. got to do things simultaneously!

After I am doine with my school work, got to relook at investments to rebuild portfolio. Need to ensure steady flow of interests and dividend income. plus potential for capital gains and insurance protection.

k, back to work. this was just a small break to write things down.

Report Writing

2009-02-24T05:41:00.000-08:00

Don't think. Just Do it.

Grade: A

writing down some thoughts

2009-01-21T10:37:00.000-08:00

2.30am in the morning.. haha.. going to bed soon after this post.

several things to settle.

1. need to submit more documents for approval. omg, hope this is the last time and that the approval will be given in a few days time... so ma fan. just wish to sign the S&P and have some kind of closure cos' this is bugging me a bit...

2. need tons of luck with my survey... got to send out tmr.. hope the response will be good. omg.. my grade largely depends on it.. so that i can write a decent, convincing and scientific report... gosh.. focsed and work hard ya! Luck be on my side =)

3. continue to catch up and study hard.. though 3rd week only. need to ACE both subjects to give some buffer man.. FIRST CLASS HONOURS... u're driving me crazy and giving me sleepless night..

4. hmm.. need to do spring cleaning also.. super overdue!! omg.. this Friday got to DO IT! no excuse!

well.. pray that everything is smooth sailing.. in particular my loan and project.....=) argghh..

gambante! jia you! I can do it!

New year.. New semester

2009-01-15T04:03:00.000-08:00

Week 2 on the academic calendar but I should consider this my first week =). Confirmed my sbj registration.. taking 2 sbj this semester and sitting in to listen to one other. reason to take one additional sbj is part interest and part strategic (diluting the wt of fyp).

New Year Goals:

Academic - BSc First Class Honours. implication: min A- for fyp. My biggest worry now is fyp.. seemed to be moving really slowly.. supervisor not so enthusiastic, ver ave. team/ lack of initiative.. only got to work hard and pray hard =) Only one chance to be undergraduate.. be let me be blessed with FIRST CLASS HONOURS that I can be proud of! haha...

House: please get my loan approved asap and S&P signed so that I can have a peaceful mind. I dun trust ***.... so many procedures/rules etc. and apparently they dun communicate among dpts. *** pls do not give me any trouble! I have submitted to you all that I need..will need to waste a lot of time just to satisfy them..omg.. Look forward to completion of house in 2011.

Financial: Ought to have some discipline savings plan.. cos got a big loan now. how to earn more $$? other than saving... how can I increase the inflow rate? make my $$ work for me?

Career: get onboard a good ship with good crew. Do well in Navigation.. Be involved in projects. Scheme C is still my target/wish.. whatever. got to work hard ya. A grade all the way... my wish to join the elite admin service some time in the future...

Family: hope bro get a job asap... everyone is healthy and happy =)

Language: pls watch..

Fitness: regular exercise. Gold standard.

Others: hope that everything is smooth going and luck/ help/ good people always be on my side. Be healthy and happy =) May it be a prosperous, happy, fulfilling, rewarding OX year ahead! moo..mooo....Beautiful year hahead =)...cheers!

Be thankful

2008-12-08T09:27:00.000-08:00

we often complain about little things in life... complain that the train is packed, the bus is late, the food is lousy..... and so on. it's time to remind ourselves to be thankful..

be thankful for good health.. for food.. for our loved ones.. for our friends.. for being able to study in a university ... for being awarded a scholarship.. for being able to enjoy life as it is..

Bloody BAD Mood

2008-12-02T08:06:00.000-08:00

Once again.. i am f*&*king pissed today.... after looking at some substandard work of some asshole. only if this bloody arse is not on my team.. i hope she would jus F*off from the surface of earth.. if her lousy work will not affect my grade, i cant be bothered how shitty her work is.. but the fact is that her shitty piece of work ig going to affect mine too... as it's all in together... why is she sooo navie/ stupid/ idiotic / moronic and.... i cant think of anything else to decribe her.. she is hopeless! me and my other mate have saved her some many times from projects to projects.... yet she still expect us to continue to help her.. cos it's "teamwork"= "U work I slack".. wtf! so more this bloody idiotic person thinks she deserve a second upper... OMG! can't she just wake up to reality that she is not worth that grade? can someone just wake her up... she should be happy with just a pass grade for her degree.. cos that's her standard! i'm not impressed by her 'intelligence' (if it exists) and work at all.... if she really happens to get second upper (cos' she is somewhat always lucky) i think the system sucks! and it does not do justise to others in the same system... she is simply hopeless... pls wake up ya!! i cant believe that U think u deserve a second upper.. omg... U're hopeless... BUT thank God.. U're simply always lucky in life.. lucky to have people to help u in your life.. plan for u and cover up yr deficiency.. other than that... U're worthless..

OK. enough time wasted to let it out of my system... I'm going to do some damage control now.

Pls can I have patience, sympathy (for pathetic souls), love, wisdom, knowledge, kindess, happiness for this Christmas? I need to cool down... I hate talking to damm ass...

cool.... cool.... chill..... ignore this ass.....

exams over finally.. so happy but here comes fyp

2008-11-30T05:51:00.000-08:00

trying to tune back to work again after 3-4 good days of rest and play. spent some really good time at home and with my dearest... looking forward to 13dec when we go to taiwan.. but before that, i need to complete my taskings for fyp!!! DISCIPLINE! the game is not over.. continue to work hard yar.. resting for too long.. brain goes rusty.. shall keep my mind active.

one month is hell so short!!!! here's my things to do:

1. FYP survey design and execution

2. Wait for ballot number.. am i getting my house? time is right, place is right, everything is right less PRICE $$.. hahaa.. we'll see how... tian1 yi4.. shall see what number i'm getting... pray hard that the price is revised down in view of the economic conditions.. 2009 is simply going to get worst. I'm sure. my dearest singaporeans seemed pretty easy on spending.. still.. well, i'm not sure if they are simply unaware, ill informed but just feeling over confident... many will be getting into credit woes i supposed.

3. keep fit. run everyday.. 3 times/week gym. need more discipline!

4. taiwan trip... simply R&R. just take my mind off everything.

5. Need to read more on stuff that i like..

6. Subject registration.. shall I do more subjects? or just relax a bit? haha.. still thinking

kk. that's all 10pm now.. have not prepared for tmr's meeting at 10am omg... so guilty

1 more to go

2008-11-24T06:28:00.000-08:00

eng finance and economics wasn't too tough but a little tedious and i think i am super careless.. shall see how. hope for A- but at least B+ bah.. anything less would be disastrous.

jia you. 2 more cups of cup and 1 cup of tea before my last paper. not so well prepared.. i still have some time.. shall catch up now. jia you jia you.. i can see the finishing line... right in front. A+ for intermodal! rockz! i must not slacken... there's only one chance for everything...

jia you jia you..

I will survive

2008-11-20T04:48:00.000-08:00

these 5 days is pretty stressful. but i will survive. nothing stands in my way... i'm smart and tough. I shall emerge victorious!

sense of arrogance when the going gets tough

2 papers completed. 3 more to go

2008-11-19T01:50:00.000-08:00

wao.. feeling extremely tired after morning paper. it's 6pm now. had a good rest but still mentally tired. how did i do? well, i did my best.. ha, that's my answer. should be fine cos i put in a great deal of effort and i understood the subject extremely well. hoping for A+ so that i can Aced all jasmine's subjects. haha. the only concern... well i'm just paranoid. did i write the mathematical sign wrongly? like >= and i wrote <=... if i did.. that's it cos i'll be penalised extremely heavily for the 23marks LP question.. god bless sia.. hope i am not so careless!! else die.. will be killed innocently but a deveastating careless mistake.. could at least down 2 grades. pray that everything is ok and i've shown in my writings that I'm deserving of an A grade.. hah.

very tired. hope all things go well for fri/ mon/ tue.

after which, it's a little break before work picks up again.... it's never ending.

exams.. 4 core papers in 9 days

2008-11-16T10:53:00.000-08:00

i'm trying my best to study. arrrggh..it's crazy cos there's so much to memorize. madness. there's a limit to my brain capacity manz.. omg. i hate to cramp all the stuff. what's the point? well, only to score in exams and that is enough to justify all my late nights. not so fun. as usual.. i'm always distracted... looking forward and thinking more abt after exams program.. this time round sux too.. cos it's the start of fyp.. must really do something from now on.. else die... didn't touch for quite some time..

last paper on 25 nov.. got a presentation on 26 noon. then 27/28 should be spent in the library to do research ba. over the 29/30 weekend to do my survey qns. omg.. i've got it all packed. i have to send out my survey before going for my yr end trip sia.. omg!! pray damm hard that my team mates can be more active and contribute actively rather than wait for things to drop from the sky! ai~~.. not so optimistic now. cos i've got a dreamer on my team.

lam: survey response rate depends to a large extent the grade.. .. i need to go pray for all the luck in the world sia... it's beyond my control.. omg.

well.. keep focused! just 4 papers. suck it up... i know sure pass.. but i need my As man.. GIVE ME STRAIGHT As this semester....one last shot!

Preparation for exams

2008-10-27T10:51:00.000-07:00

15 days to go and counting down. hmm.. still not in top gear.. a little worrying now. where to find motivation? can it be bought? can it be found? I just need to keep out all distractions or rather get realistic and stop day dreaming. hmmm. this can be considered one of my most important exams and also one last one.. cos next sem left with 1 subject. what do i want to achieve? Top priority remains unchange: First Class Honours => CGPA > 4.5. Well, in order to do that, I must at least maintain a worst case of GPA 4.5... but that's not enough. Can I get at least 4.8? I have not done it before and this seems to be my last chance to give a go at it. "I can do it" BUT I must start mugging like nobody business now.... there are 2 subjects that i don't feel comfortable.. ITM and finance engineering.. omg. Here's my targets (hope that it becomes more visible by writing down):

1. HRM: A+
2. Shipping Logistics: A+/A
3. Professional Communication: A
4. Intermodal: A
5. ITM: A/A-/B+?
6. Engineering Finance: A? /B? (i duno)
7. Research Project: Must get min A- la.. if not die. that's for next semester.

time to start working hard. Best all luck to myself =) Cheers.

Disappointed with my grade

2008-10-13T06:21:00.000-07:00

well.. B+. I know i didn't do well during my quiz but I guess it's this natural human expectations to expect some sort of miracle.. the reality sinks in when i see the grade. no point feeling sad. life goes on and it is just one quiz. on the brighter side, i still have 85percent to fight for. the game is not over. I will not succumb to it. keep focused and do all i can now cos the exam is still 1 month away. I hate exams and i hate having to memo all the stuff for the sake of taking exams. but well, that's life. Looking forward to graduate with First Class... just means that I must work harder. no alternative. Just keep going. in fact after this semester.. i would roughly know my chances of getting first class. cos last sem has little impact except for my FYP. the game is not over.... keep going.. keep going. and most important. be happy. life is not abt grades and results only. live to enjoy... crap. i'm brought up in this system.........

Looking at a photo

2008-10-12T09:47:00.000-07:00

the only things i could do now is to work hard and be focused. there are more in life than getting into the group of elite. i aspired to be one of them but i am happy the way i am now =) cheers. See things from the commoner perspective...

Be Focused.

2008-08-31T19:01:00.000-07:00

2 days of competition over the weekend. was pretty fun and enjoyable.. most likely my last competitive matches. nice spa after 2 games on sunday morning. time to take a back seat and focus on my studies and research for the rest of the academic year. this semester looks though... do not realy have any inspiring tutor. vague syllabus and not knowing exactly what to expect for the exams... game plan not out.. arrgghh.. scroing at exams is not only hardwork but only abt executing a strategic game plan to score the components during the semester...

it is time to remind myself to be focused. study hard and work hard becuase knowledge and academic achievements are most critical in the new economy. i must continue to build up a strong foundation in all that I am doing.

Remind myself:

1. Banish all negative thoughts. consistently maintain a healthy mindset to face the challenges. I have been through many challenges.. at the end of the day.. nothing is impossible. never give up.

2. eat well, sleep well. maintain a healthy mind and body.

3. Believe: If i work hard now, I can enjoy later.

4. Rid my mind of all distractions. FOCUSED.

Last but not least, i think i need very good luck and support all round to do well.

Life is too long if only think of suffering and working but tooo short if we enjoy ourselves to the fullest.

Start of New Semester.. Final Year

2008-08-11T20:52:00.000-07:00

It's the second week of the yr4 sem 1.. pretty slow start. well, maybe it's a good thing cos I have been working for the last 3 months. rested pretty well for the first week of school. nothing much basically.. still pretty much in a holiday mood. so.. how am i going to max out my final yr in sch?? hmm.. at least got to think abt it for this semester.. time flies.. no time to be wasted anymore.

for a start... handed over the softball team. pretyy happy that the next gen has taken over. I guess playing for this team is very different from the teams that I used to play for.... winning was taken for granted back then. coming from a team that was respected by most and one that delivered consistently felt good. this team was very much different. I got to see a different side of people management. well... we had players from very diverse backgrounds who had different experiences and skill levels. it wasnt easy to come together to play.... winning was never on our agenda. Had i wanted and pushed hard to achieve.. the team would most possibly had collapsed. It was about building a sustainable team and ensuring that softball doesn't die off a natural death in this school. I think I have achieved my objectives of gathering a group of committed players. I hope that we can push the envelope further and aim for more this coming AY. In retropect, I guessed that I am very convinved that people differ because:

1. discipline - i have seen too many dreamers/ talkers who could not deliver. what's worth is pure talking and bullshitting?
2. motivation level - having the winner mentality and desire to win is extremely important
3. Inborn talent - some things are born with and can never be nutured.. intelligence/ ball sense
4. Commitment - Being good is one thing... being committed is another that completes the picture.

that's so much abt softball..... i am as happy being a player/coach. In this game, there is nothing like being the second best ... there is only ONE champion and ONE best.

Back to academics: challenge to maintain FIRST CLASS HONOURS. from day one in school.... i have been reminding myself of this ULTIMATE academic goal.. I am still there but on the line with 4.57. I want it so badly and I know that I can achieve... there is only ONE chance to be an undergraduate. I will do whatever it takes to maintain it this semester and for the final semester... but well looking at it. this semester's result is CRITICAL. DO or BREAK!

1. I shall remain focus on my studies at all time - work out a studying schedule and FOLLOW it.

2. Lecture notes are not good enough for A grade - Read textbooks and find additional information online. I will master all my 6 subjects this semester.

3. Treat all subjects equally.. I shall not be complacent. Remember the story of the pilot that was shot down on his way back. This is not the final run.. keep running. be ALERT.

4. Take notes meticulously during all lectures and tutorials. If the tutor sux... do my own revision and extra work to learn... i am an officer.. I am an adult. I shall be responsible for my own learning and take charge of my own learning.

Please.. may god bless me. ha. I will work hard and I hope to be rewarded for my hardwork =)

Next... physical: to get back my IPPT GOLD!!! I want to wear my badge when i return to work. keep running.. 9min30sec target. MIN 2 x 1 hr gym per week. Be disciplined.

Family... ai~ sianz. I find no peace at home..... damm bad but i am sick of my mum and some times my dad.. one is simply lazy and the other is too overworked and impatient most of the times.. I wish i dun have to sit in my dad's car when he is driving.. horrible expericence... luckily i got my aunts and grandparents beside me.. haa. like a safe harbour.. a place that is neat/ clean and serene. why why why.... how to help my lazy.. unmotivated mum? I have studied so much.. and got a psych minor.. but none of these taught me how to deal with lazy/ unmotivated/ pessimistic people.. I just get so sick of this type of people.. softball training likewise.. the full of shit and no action people.. I need to learn to to be more tolerant... learn to empathize... learn to love all people.. what an uphill task man. zhen... as usual.. workaholic.. always busy with work... relax a bit k... life is more than work. learn to enojoy the finer things in life and be happy.

hmm.. my break is almost up after this long post.. shall continue again =) cheers!

smooth wind and following seas.. may all be well.

21 April 08

2008-04-20T22:14:00.000-07:00

Monday. just came back to my room after lunch. completed one paper in the morning - maritime prof & soc. did ok. Hope for A+ if not A. Halfway through my exams. 3 papers completed. Satisfied so far, not much suprises and I did my best. Well, 3 more papers to go. though ones.. important ones. I have to work hard to score. First to survive 2 more papers this week, then to prep for the last paper next week. Whether I like the subject or not is not important. The bottomline is that I must bag my As. 3 more As to go. I will work very hard.

remember the story of the pilots who got shot down on their return leg after a victorious air strrike. The game is far from over. It is the mid point. the most critical point where false perceptions and sluggishness could lead to failure. This is the time to work doubly hard. end of the game will be declared on 1130 am on 29 Apr 08. That is the end. Now... still in the midst of war. Fight til the end. Fight for victory. Think of celebrations only after 1130am 29 apr... by then, i will have ample time to think of how to celebrate. Not Now.

- continue fighting- cheers =)

Mixed feelings

2008-04-17T05:57:00.000-07:00

hmm, just completed spatial science paper. it was my most feared paper. cos when the course started, i had no idea what the lecturer was talking abt... CAD and GIS are alien to me.. i have never come across them nor hear them.. well, i knew CAD existed but that's all. and i never expect myself to start using AutoCAD Map 3D to do a project.. it was simply amazing. i studied extremely hard for the exam and I am glad that it is over. well, i guess i did perform pretty well for the CA (50%).. should be an A Grade for my tests and assessment. As for this exam, I really did my best (no regrets boy) and I hope to score at least an 80 marks out of 100. Will I get my A? well, may luck be with me.. i need the A grade yar.. 5.0. If not, i think i really deserve a minimun of A- ba.. i am certainly not a B gradr! haiz.. I am sure i knew quita a bit abt this GIS thingy now. we'll see.. may i be blessed =) cheers, I have 4 more papers to go. feeling good. next week will be a week to be conquered. I look forward to after 29 Apr. Freedom day!! I often miss my target by a little bit. I have that this time round, I can achieve my targets = GPA 4.8 for this semester. and also, win the book prize for exchange report. I need to push my CGPA well above 4.5 to feel safe. Come on.. I can do it I believe that i can achieve. If i could achieve all my targets for the AY, I would really celebrate with my family! cheers man

start of the battle

2008-04-15T01:40:00.000-07:00

this is just the beginning. 1 paper completed. I am pretty glad with my performance for quality mamagement. Hope that I can secure an A or even an A+! Cheers! But i am worried that $%^& idiot Capt. will screw up my plan. freak. he is one of the worst characters i have ever met with. cant imagine that such a person exist on earth. He taught the wrong stuff and whe I corrected him.. he actually accused me of not reading his notes. well, i did browse through.. but i am not stupid enough to learn from all the wrong that he presented. I have pride sia. He ought to be shot dead! there is no such certificate as ISM certificate.. why doesnt he admit that he is freaking wrong? he is the biggest loser on Earth! check the official ISM Code! I am certainly right!well, i bet that he cant find a job outside therefore he chose to hide in this school environment where many of the whimps around him dare not do anything to him. useless in charge and useless people with 'authority'. these profs are obviously more conerned about their own ricebowl that to seek to improve the faculty. at the end of the day, they work for themselves not for the students. such is NTU. Disappointing. I wondered why people are apparently on the waitlist to get in!

well, life goes on. My only wish now is to do well and graduate. so that I will not see these people again (not my classmates). I can no longer be bothered to give my feedback or think of helping the school. it is beyond me and i dun wish to waste my time and efforts. I am totally dampened and diasppointed. All the heads and deans.. u are well paid and possibly blinded too. Good luck to you all. A poor adminstration spells the downfall of the organisation.

Give me luck, give me my As... many many As!

He who has hope has everything

2008-04-13T09:32:00.000-07:00

sometimes i feel like working very hard.... sometimes i have a strong conviction to be a high achiever.. but sometimes i question myself about the need to push so hard. what is life and living at the end of the day? Is scoring a string of As so important? Is enjoying life more important? The hard fact being that without good results = no good job (at least for a start) and therefore lower chances of success at the end of the day which equates to no good life. on the other hand, a good paying job = high stress and high demand cos nothing is for free. end of the day = full of money but no free time to enjoy, relax, appreciate life. so what do i want? work til midnight everyday? get so sucked into work and neglect everything else in life.. but studies is everything to a student.. isnt it? what if one day when i look back and realise that all i knew was how to complete work on time? how to score an A but I have neglected what is important at that point in time. I cant turn back the clock. would I have the courage to turn up in school or work one day and tell whoever that I cant finish my work. I need X more days. By requesting more time or not being able to meet deadline has become a bane in our society. U cant meet deadline because u are 1. lazy 2. poor in time management 3. not committed to your work 4. incapable 5. Untrustworthy 6. ill disciplined... what esle? we are told all these since young.. by our parents, y our teacehers, by our superior. therefore, today, we see completing work on time more important than anything else. friend's birthday = no time to celebrate cos exams coming/ project to submit. tennis game tmr = no time as well.. got work to do. meeting up with old friends = not so important... i shall meet up with people who can help me in the immediate period or the near future. ai~ what is life all about?

i'll keep exploring. I'll keep changing. at least, I know that i will not look back and regret cos I will not allow work to consume me. I will learn to enjoy work and make best use of my time to live a fulfilling life.. not one that is bogged by work all day. exams coming.. so what? chill man... I dun need that A to prove to the world that I am smart. I know that i can lead and create miracles. I know that i am intellectually inclined and a good decision maker.... that's all i care abt for now.

nite

exams are coming once again

2008-04-13T07:33:00.000-07:00

well.. the time of the semester is here again. exams. hmm.. every 4 months and i have to go through yet another set of 6 papers. when will this end? soon.. 1 more year to go after this semester. pretty sick and tired of this cycle. going through the semester with substandards tutors/ lecturers.. doing some projects.. go for quizes and then exams. everything is simply so planned and routine. omg.. i need to break from this cycle. the good news is that come mid may, i'll be working at a nice company with a nice office and a breathtaking view of the sea.. hurray=) but before this.. i must survive this period of depression + mugging + lifeless days + i duno what. as usual, my concentration is extrememly poor, hence, my writing of this entry in the midst of my revision. i just cannot stand reading and reading the same stuff over and over again.. i undertstand most of the stuff.. but the bad news is that i have to be forced to memo all these crap for exam purposes and then contl alt delete everything right after each paper. how meaninggul? the only consolation is that i hope to be rewarded with decent grades after going thru all the sufferings and preparations.. which idiot in mankind history started this system? ai!~ ought to be executed dude. now, i just pray for better concentration.. some good luck... not to be careless during the papers cos I usually am. and what else? give me more memo space and capacity to mug... tons of brain cells wasted .. crap.. i am looking forward to a good meal.. and a good drink and a good fun time to relax and enjoy!

修身齐家治国平天下

2008-04-10T10:19:00.000-07:00

0-25 修生
26 -50 齐家、治国
》50 平天下

读书是为了自己！加油！

2 WEEKS TO EXAMS

2008-03-31T03:17:00.000-07:00

Feeling quite motivated today. Just one day before my quiz for Quality Management.

Target for this semester:

GPA > 4.8
CGPA> 4.65

1. Quality Management in Shipping : A
2. Maritime Professionals and Society: A
3. Spatial Information Science: A/ B+ (min)
4. Ship Chartering: A+
5. Port Operations and Planning: A+
6. Maritime Science: A/A-

Suck it up. Just suffer for one month and the rest of the 3 months will be for me to enjoy without regret. I will do my BEST. Focused. Disciplined. Confidence. I can achieve. I want to do well to lay the foundation for my future in this knowledge intensive world. There is no room for slackness or mistake.

Actually, i really loook forward to after exams.. as usual. but this semester in particular. because:

1. Industrial Attachment will be fun and enriching. I will work hard and make sure that I am asked to stay for permanent employment. AIM: Win the Prize for Best Performance in Industrial Immersion.

2. Shortlisted for Book Prize (Exchange Report).. I pray very hard that I will take home the prize. I WANT TO WIN the PRIZE. receive it from the hands of the ambassador.

3. Bro's wedding. haha. by then i will be free to help out. can KPO ard.. also to think of what to buy for him. thinking of a plasma TV. not too sure if he needs it.

4. Zhen is returning from Sydney! Hurray... hmm.. some celebrations? EAT and eat and eat.. wahaha.

5. I have some break before and after my II!! Yeah! Will plan carefully. Need to spend these days fruitfully.. not be wasted by staying at home to rot. Short tour? maybe.

6. In Aug, start of Final Year. FYP will be one of the main focus areas. PUBLISH... PUBLISH... give me this opportunity.. i will do whatever it takes to get my work PUBLISHED... dun want to do and file up in softcopy.. will be a total waste. Give me this chance for a good topic and supervisor!

hope that everyone ard me is happy and healthy. Cheers! zhen, U'll recover fast... just a few more days.. no worries. think positive!

Feeling trapped

2008-03-19T06:56:00.000-07:00

Feeling trapped in this school, in this tiny class. losing the instinct to win. losing the motivation to move on. what's next. the only chance and way to revive the winning mentality is to do well for exams, cos I am in full control.

I Need to graduate asap. be back in the winning environment. mix with the best people. form the best team to win in every task. I want to WIN. cos i can WIN.

Nothing stands in my way. My dreams will lift me up. My motivation comes from the desire to realise my dreams. The more desparate i am, the harder i'll work for it, and the nearer i get to realising my dreams.

One day, I will make my mark. I will not live just for myself . I will be able to contribute to the society in many many ways.

ill disciplined

2008-02-25T07:44:00.000-08:00

gosh.. why am i so ill disciplined? i cant believe it. can some saint come and knock some sense into me? i have so much work to do.. so much to prepare for the coming examinations but i am just not using my time properly.. god save me!! I MUST BE DISCIPLINED. FOCUSED. GET EVERYTHING DONE ON TIME, ON SPECS. i cannot afford to lose any more time. i need to do well... very well in fact. i know it well within myself that this is a critical semester. pls help me... this is gonna to have very long term impact on my career.... i cant believe it.

pls stop my mind from wondering..

Do not worry for thinsgs beyond my control.!

2008-02-18T02:16:00.001-08:00

my hitachi portable harddisk just crashed. lost.. pissed off but nothing much i can do. I lost lots of precious photos and records of my academic work. for 2 yrs! i cant believe it. blame it on the totally unreliable hitachi harddisk.. people out there. dun ever buy ismart. no use for the warranty and one-one exchange cos u'll never get back ur data. what is most important is that the hd will never even crash! once down, everything is gone unless u can afford to pay many hundreds for data retrivial.

life goes on. i shall focused on my work and not mourn the dismiss of my hd. hopefully.. miraculously... it will 'self recover'.. just like it died off on its own suddenly. $%^&*(.

i shalled be focused and concentrate on my work now. there are many more things to do in life than to spend my time thinking the lost of my data. look on the bright side of things: at least those data are not critical at the moment. those are basically historical records of my work.. but my photos!! omg. %^&*

crap. hope that the manufacturer gets punished for producing sub standard products.

Taxi fare hike again!

2007-12-12T11:18:00.001-08:00

I am just so pissed off at this issue that I cant help but to take a break from my revision and pen down my personal thoughts.

First and foremost, who is that bloody 'genius' behind the most recent proposal for taxi fee hike? I am certain that this is a VERY irresponsible and 'cheap' reaction to 'solve' any existing mismatch between supply and demand in the 'taxi service market'. While pricing is often a good way to influence one's behaviour, it, by no means, is the optimal policy choice. Using price to influence both consumer and supplier (taxi drivers) behaviour in this case, will open the floodgate to a plethora of new problems.

1. taxi driver will begin to avoid fringe CBD area. and what's next? expand the city zone for surcharge? this will just go on and go. what will this lead to?

2. it seems like most decisions are determined by raw economics. money, profits and what not that ultimately affect the pay of these decision making executives. Please spare a thought for people who may not be affluent but yet need to taxi because (a) they are handicapped, (b) they are old etc. Did we not realise that that we do not see many elderly or handicapped in town or elsewhere? Is it becsause that they love to stay at home? Did we not realise that our transport system in Singapore is only world class for those who are able? What is wrong with policy makers? Take a look at Australia, U.S. (L.A.) and many European countries' transport systems. Yes, they may not be as efficient as ours but certainly, they are more elderly/ handicap friendly! and therefore, U will not be surprised to see these people around everywhere on their own! Money, money and profits! If this continues to dominate our policy decisions, we will fail very soon. There are many more factors to be considered in policy making. What are the effects of a policy on the community at large? The environmental impacts etc?

i just got to end of by saying that I am utterly disappointed in our regulators and the companies involved. Spare a thought for a the larger society. Open up and listen to other groups. A business exists in a community and thrive on the resources of the community, if ultimately, the business so decides to exploit the resources of that society that it operates it, it will ultimately suffer the consequences.

disappointed. I will work hard to be able to do something to contribute one day...soon.

下一步棋该这么走？

2007-12-07T14:01:00.000-08:00

2 papers completed. today's shipowning entity was ok. I thought it was pretty simple, but then again, i did not have sufficient time to write, hence towards the last part of the paper i was simply scribbling like crazy. thoughts were quite disorganised. the front part was ok. Given sufficient time, it would probably be a safe A. Now, it revolves around A/ B. crap. the Grading system here is not so good... just either A or B no plus or minus. hmm. Again, I wish that I have enough luck to 'err' on the A side for both subjects. I pray that the examiners could tell through my answers that my knowledge on the subjects are well above average.. probably superior to most. I have read beyond the textbook and learnt so much from outside sources.

Next 2, I MUST work very hard to Aced them. My favourite subjects =)
target: minimun 2 As with NO C grade. But must get some As. Could it even be 3 or 4 As?

haha. Looking ahead... i need to plan for the subjects next semester. strategise to max learning and to maintain my GPA. Also, need to apply for hall. when I get back to singapore.. tons of admin to do. Seminar to attend, meetings to settle softball stuff, maybe trainings, unpack and pack, family dinner, making claims and lots more.

Busy weeks ahead before another break - Fun in Sydney with my dearest!

Look for master courses! CFA =possible? I have a dream.. I must fulfil my dream. Hokom told me that 1 yr at LSE cost GBP13,ooo just for tuition! Well, I shall drive a toyota and fulfil my academic dreams. I place highest value on the training of mine mind.. be scholistic is my choice. I feel good to be able to think clearly. and to contribute to everything i particiapate in! I need more education!

i want to take all these courses.. i pray hard that i could achieve this small goal before I grad. My Class Schedule must allow me to do so!!! Argghhh..always clash. @#$%^ I want to take:

1. Business and Finance (Done)
2. Investments
3. Equity and Securities
4. Portfolio Management
5. Principles of risks and Insurance

With these 5 modules in hand. I can compete with the finance grad despite my degree in science. trash them! and I shall prep myself for my second career.. too early?

hmm.. tired now. going to study.

Ship Accounting Paper is over

2007-12-03T16:01:00.000-08:00

Yeah! Ship Accounting paper is over! I was quite stressed prior to the paper cos i was not confident in scoring for that paper. all turned out pretty well. I should expect at least a B grade.. sighz. what a waste. had I had more time ... had i not make that stupid mistake in Q3... i would probably have secured an A!! @#$%^&* crap... maybe i have good luck.. A is still possible, we'll see. I think in the rest of my answers.. I have demonstrated a thorough understanding of the subject and shown that i read beyond what is presented in the books and notes. I OUGHT to be rewarded for all these extra efforts right?

What's next? 3 more papers to go. SHIP ENTITY on friday, followed by Marine Insurance and International Maritime Law. I will aced them. Action speaks louder than words. I have rewarded myself today 3 dec 2007 by resting for the whole day! Time to work doubly hard again. I must and I will do well. Must get some As from this school! arrgghhh.. at least 2 As and minimum of B!

I am confused now.. time for sub reg for next sem. shall I take Investment? I need someone to enlighten me! shall i take risk reporting and analysis? I love these subjects.. but i'll be alone. and I will miss the first 2 weeks of class. shit! what shall i do?

zhenzhen.. where are u? somewhere in NZ? hmmm... hope to hear from u. see ya in 3 weeks =)

Exams is coming once again

2007-11-25T15:03:00.000-08:00

exams is coming once again. 7 days more to my first paper - Ship Accounting. 3 weeks to end of exams and to home. 4 weeks to Sydney. haha. so exciting.

feeling a little tensed now. well, as usual -=( very sadly, i am always so 'last minute'. struggling now to complete revision for my first 2 papers. well, even though grades don;t count, i must still do well and maintain an excellent records, and an 'excellence' attitude.

I must work hard and I will do well. I am blessed with good abilities, and i shall make full use of my brain!! Arrghh... accounting and shipowning entity. I am going to do well! I have covered maritime law and marine insuracnce once.. most important now is to familiarise with the codes/ laws applicable. I MUST at least get 2 As 3 Bs. NO Cs: totally unacceptable for me.

I am in a pretty good mood, except that thinking of the coming exams make me feel stressed. well, meditate.

God Bless me n U!
I shall be back to blog.. one last lesson in the morning tmr. I hope it snows! and snows heavily!

48 Days to exams .. feeling the heat

2007-10-17T13:10:00.000-07:00

my first paper is on 3 dec 2007 - ship accounting. i have yet to get hold of a copy of the textbook. but i will have it soon anyway.. and i will chew it up. hahha. though i am on an exchange programme, i cannot slack behind in my academic work.

I seek to achieve the best in everything that i do. i work hard and i have been rewarded. work ethics must never be eroded no matter where i am and what the circumstances are. I am going for straight As. Ambitious at this moment because I am still quite lost, but I will try- with a last minute boost. Full Ahead all E/G.

I have a duty to my family and to my organisation. I must perform and bring back what I have learnt to Singapore, to serve the nation and my family. I want to and I will make a difference. My only way to be in the position to make a difference to others in the near future is to study hard now.

I must be:

1. focused
2. hardworking
3. determined
4. smart
5. disciplined

I want to create a bright future for myself so that I can support my family. Not only to support but to provide every single member of my family with a very comfortable life. My kids shall go to the best schools and receive the best education. My elders shall be able to enjoy their retirements comfortably and travel the world. My wife shall be the most loved and fortunate lady. I will provide them with a comfortable living.

Targets:

1. Ship Accounting - A. This is my favourite subject cos it deals with money and logic.

2. Shipping Organisation - A. I may become a CEO of an international shipping company in the future, hence i must know how a ship entity operates.

3. Maritime Law - A. My strenght. I have a lawyer's mind. I am good at this. I can think abstract and yet logically.

4. Marine Insurance - A. Very important for ship owners. An agent can learn it well, so can I! and the basis of which is built upon law. I can do it!

5. Scandinvian Work Life and Managment -B. My interests topic. but i shall not expend too much energy on this elective. good to know.

Like i said. I will and I can achieve. God Bless Me. I can't go to the temple cos i am away but I am sincere and truthful. My prayers shall be answered.

Dreams... will they remain as dreams forever?

2007-09-07T14:17:00.000-07:00

Exactly a month in Oslo. Everything is fine so far. Not too much excitement and the pace of life is slow. Maybe it is the ideal place for type A person like myself. I've been travelling to some places.. went to stockholm, goteborg, bergen. nice places. totally different from troipical SEA. the buildings were rich in heritage.. old but not worn out and each has a spirit of its own.

this is a good time not just for learning, travelling, but i think most importantly for me to think about what i want to achieve and what i want to do in the near future. i must not and cannot slack in my studies over here. I will continue to strive for excellence and to achive the best possible results - that's me. Excellence is what I stand for.

My values:

1. Honesty and Integrity
Be truthful to self and others. Only when I am honest to myself and to others can I live happily. To be sincere to people i deal with and to live my true self. Do not cheat, Do not steal, Do not lie.
Do what is right and not to choose the easy way out. Achieve excellence.

2. Love and Compassion
Family and Friends are most important afterall. Property can be lost, destroyed. Achievements can easily be forgotten and washed off. Show care and concerns to people around me. help others when there is a chance to do so. People will remember that I made a difference. Be forgiving in words and in deed.

3. Discipline
Think long term. Delayed gratification. Work hard now for a better tomorrow. Stick firmly to achieve what was set out.

My goals (Short term): Before I turn 28 Yrs Old

1. 1ST CLASS HONOURS Bachelor of Science in Maritime Studies
2. S$50,000 cash holdings when I graduate. Find part time work! Give Tuition! 2 to 3 Kids.
3. Succesful investment. ROI of about 10 percent per annun. Shrewd investor.
4. Scheme 'C'. I want it bad enough and I know that I can achieve. I am good enough.
5. Get married. Get a House. Get a Car.

My goals (Long term):

1. I want to do a Masters in Finance/ Ship Finance or in Business Administration. And a Masters in Strategic Studies. I want to be a scholar. A thinker. A Strategist. I MUST GET IT at a World renowned UNIVERSITY/ INSTITUTION. I still remember my dream. HARVARD dream. I WANT to materialise this dream!

2. 2 or 3 Kids... depends.

3. Senior Management within 10 years counting from Day 1 of work. LT COL by 34 latest. Division Manager in the private sector.

4. Do some charity work and help others. Give back to society/ schools.

5. A nice landed property in a district 9/10 or 11. 2 cars and tons of assets in other properties, stocks and investments. HAPPY, LOVING AND HEALTHY FAMILY is most important.

6. Continue to work till old age.

If I believe that I can achieve. I can.

Three papers over

2007-04-23T01:49:00.000-07:00

Year 2 Semester 2. I have already completed 3 papers out of 5 examinable subjects.

Non- exmainable :
HW 201 Technical Communication : A/A-

Examinable:
1. HP801 Mind Overt Stress: A
2. MT2204 Ship Managemnt : A+/A
3. MT 2205 Port Economics: A+/A

Two more papers to go. (1) MT 2206 International Framwork for Shipping: A
(2) MT 2302 Maritime Science I : A

I will NOT slack. I will work extremely hard for the next few days.. suck it up and it'll be over. I SHALL CELEBRATE after my successes. I must make my best attempt at achieving straight As. Be it with a plus or minus => Straight As, with as many full As and A+ as possible. I am smart, intelligent, hardworking, deserving, ingenious.. wahahaha.

May God Bless and good luck/ best of luck be with me in my pursue and endeavour! I shall hit my target of GPA= 4.8 this semester. I believe I can, therefore I would achiveve. NOTHING is beyond me. It is only whether I want to try for it.

I am an Achiever, A success model, A Talent who will ultimately make significant contributions to the society.. to improve humanity, to change and improve lives of others.

I WILL SURVIVE. Straight As... I am dreaming of you tonight.

Feeling stressted! What should I do now?

2007-03-05T01:18:00.000-08:00

I am feeling stressed, more stressed than usual because of the number of projects I have on hand. It is more stressful than studying per se cos I am not in total control of the situation. Worse, there are considerable differences in standards and expectations among group members. I always strive to achieve excellence and to do my very best in everything that I am involved in, but it seems that very few, if any, people share the same aspirations and goals with me. I simply cannont understand why people are satisfied with mediocracy. I cant understand why peopl wont feel ashame of themselves for delivering work of extreme poor quality.. doesn't it daunt on them that their work reflects on themselves? Simply shameless.

It is stressful because:

1. I must work doubly hard to cover for the inadequacies.
2. I have to always push people to work.
3. I feel lonely cos no one seems to care. "Pass will do attitude sucks!"
4. I am angry that I am always doing more when everyone is sharing the same grades. It is a selfish thought but it is so much easier for me to work alone and score an A grade. I understand that we must learn to work in team/ group, but I rather choose to work in a top-notch group wtih people who are highly motivated. Team work doesnt equate to accomodating free-riders.
5. I need to constantly fight against forces of bad influence and maintain a frame of excellence. Where to find my motivation?

I missed the days in JC. My dearest classmates who are probably ten times better. More responsible, more motivated and highly intelligent. There is so much to learn from my peers as compared to the situation I am in now.

I Shall Take Positive Action:
1. First things first - Prioritise
2. Clear my mind of all negtaive thoughts
3. Look on the bright side on things
4. Be focused. Do not bother with unimportant things.
5. Work hard, Play less and play later.
6. Look out for good things, good news, good people.

1 more day to 22nd birthday

2007-02-21T00:07:00.000-08:00

time flies.

one year has passed since I entered adulthood. haha. time to take stock once again. How much have i grown? how different am I from a year ago? am i still marching on the same spot? have i moved far and high enough? what are the lessons learnt?

Academically, i did ok. this semester is crucial and I have to maintain my firct class honours GPA. seems a little daunting at this moment judging from all the unfinished projects. I will keep track and navigate through these rough patches. I just pray that some divine force will help me along. I want to do well. i wish that i could be patient with others but time is not gonna stop for me to teach or impart my knowledge to others.. we just gotta move on and those who lag will fall out of the race soon. BE FOCUSED.

As according to planned, I invested in stocks and shares. BUT, i must take this step further to activate my personal account and get all the online thingy working! Target: within one month's time. complete e- transactions and control over trading account. i am falling behind!! so UlU.. OMG. also, time to relook at investments and portfolio. Target: Slow and steady; little by little. spread risks; indentify the correct market segments.

Family, good. very blessed. Everyone is healthy and happy. Hope that little aunt will find a full time job soon or when she is ready to start work again after her break. pray that mum stops nagging. for bro, is he really going to buy a car? what for? need vs. necessity. i really dun see the need to buy one. is it just to boost his ego? hahaha. ought to spend the money more wisely.. least he could do is to save it up. why the hurry to buy car?

the clock is ticking, counting down to end june when zhen leaves sin for sydney to study. treasure the time together. many many more years to go. 25 is a good time to get engaged. 26 to get married? need to plan carefully. got to synchronise our careers too. for now, save up for my dearest HDB.

I wish i had more time to read. I have so many unread books. hope to clear my debt this year. haha. should have lots of time in Norway to read.. reading is so important.

what i wish for this birthday:

1. good health - sleep well, eat well, think well.
2. good relationships / love
3. knowledge
4. patience
5. discipline
6. determination
7. wisdom
8. passion for life
9. good luck forever
10. opportunities to excel

that's all for now.
ZhiChao

16 Jan 2007

2007-01-16T06:10:00.000-08:00

Feeling lethargic and restlss. I know what I want to achieve for this first half of the year but two weeks have past and I am not acting on my plans. I really ought to do sth. Need more exercises.. need to run and start my brain working.

Why is my mind often in a whirlpool? Actions speak louder than words.

3 more papers to go. 5 more days to Perth

2006-11-26T01:53:00.000-08:00

3 paper completed

2006-11-21T06:56:00.000-08:00

Hope I did well. Again, I am praying that I at the very least make a pass for stats and prob. I even dreamt of that paper. What a mightmare. I will work hard.. feeling burnt now. 4 more papers to go. I must get A plus for MT 3301. I will achieve. 9 more days to freedom.. but these 9 days are like hell week. Bless me.

Disappointed. Devestated. Demoralised.

2006-11-17T07:21:00.000-08:00

I felt really terrible after the stats and prob exam. I could not do the paper and I think I risk not making the passing marks. I am felt desparate and helpless at the same time. the seconds just ticked by.. my heartbeat increases exponentially.. the feeling of doom dawns upon me.

Sequences of the worst scenarios flow through my mind. Letter of warning... Liquidated damages.. the people (my loved ones) who are going to be affected. I rarely felt so srewed for quite some time. I pray very hard that if I were not to be rewarded for my 'ingenuity' in mathematics, pls.. all divine forces, blessed me and reward me for my hard work and good attitude. I studied very hard, I prepared all that I could. I read through my stuff many times.. but still, was it nervousness? was it mental block or simply pure stupidity? I cannot afford to fail. I was hoping for good grades. But now, I pray that I can get at least a B-, if not, pls do not ever let me fail., please.... Getting a poor grade means lower GPA, but at least I can fight back. I simply cannot fail and I probably cant bear the pain of doing the subject again. Mercy on my poor soul.

Help! Help! Help!

It is over. I have to move on. But pls pray for me. I dare not think of the future. At least, not until I know my results. Pls, at least a GPA of above 4.0. I will work hard.

To my dearest, I am sorry. I tried my very best. It hurts me when I fail to live up to what I expect of myself and to have 'failed you' in that sense. I want to do well, cos I want to provide a comfortable living for you in the future. I could have done better.

You asked me, " when do you want to marry me?" . When I am sure that I can support you and give you a comfortable living and a happy family. I want to share my happiness but not my sorrows.

Had a pretty relaxed day.

2006-11-07T08:40:00.000-08:00

tuesday, 7 Nov. I chose to gave myself a breather. 2 hours of lesson. Had chicken rice for dinner and pasta for supper. wahaa.

Exam starts next week. Creeping slowly and gaining fine momentum. I have goals to work towards. I believe that I can achieve what I set out to achieve from the beginning. This self believe is important. I must remind myself that afterall, I am a scholar. I am responsible for my own learning and also to many others who supported me through this journey. I cannot let them down.

If the President Scholars can do it, so can I. I never believe that I am in anyway lesser than them. Well, I figured out that they are more focused than i am and they worked harder.

I will work my way to earn a deserving holiday in Australia!

exams coming.. for my future.

2006-10-29T09:48:00.000-08:00

work hard and pray hard.

min GPA 4.5
At least 5 A-grades. NO C. At least B+ for all subject.

Feeling stressed now. Time is limited but I still got some time now... and I got to work doubly hard to compensate for the lost time. I have a responsibility towards myself and my family. cant screw it. stay focused... may divine forces be with me. =)

I must fight for it. nevasaydie. this is a marathon!

unproductive

2006-10-24T06:30:00.000-07:00

ai~ that irritating ah lian.. cant stand the sight of her. fee loading at my place for so long and she just kept watching the TV for like more than 12 hrs a day. the sight of her makes me puke. She is nothing more than a *** parasite! Cant help in setting up dinner and cleaning up after the meals.. ***^%$#@*!~ Worse, I still must clean up after her.. damm irritating.. BAD up bringing.. ai~ says a lot abt her family. She better get out of my house. KNN.

I know this is not right.. but really.. knowing that she is ard just irritates me to the extent that I cant do my work! what the hell.. spoil my day and my appetite.

i need to learn maths.. mathematical programming

2006-10-12T23:48:00.000-07:00

I still cant figure out what the tutor is talking about! I am learning on my own.. i need more resources. ai~.. i am not giving up.. practise practise and practise the only feasible way to do well for maths.

I am thankful for all the opportunities and grooming.. good food once again on Tuesday. Lauch party!! Hope to network and get stuff going.. I have a meeting on Monday morning. Should I forsake the national archive project? Sharks.. gotta to speak to Prof Teo.

Watching WTC

2006-10-10T10:24:00.000-07:00

a few days ago, I was writing about my dreams. After watching WTC, I thought there is something more to tangibles in life. What is it in life that everyone will treasure at his or her death bed? In almost all movies, I always hear this" tell her that I love her"... "I love u all"... I guess that it the point has been reflectde more than explicitly. It is not the money that we own, not the car or the house, not our rank and status. But.. most importantly, our love ones. Those who cared for us and those whom we cared for.

Not on Dean's List

2006-10-09T23:56:00.000-07:00

Sligthly disappointed. It just mean that i have to work harder. mm.. one of my short-term goals not achived. Still have 5 more weeks to final exams. Be focused.

Vey stiff competition.

always distracted

2006-10-03T10:19:00.000-07:00

i am looking forward to this weekend.. finally can spend some quality time with zhen. I am really distracted. I still hvae got 2 quizes coming up but it seems that I am always thinking of playing and enjoying myself. what's wrong with me? Pls... allow me to focus/ concentrate and do what i am supposed to do at this moment. I cannot afford to waste time. I need to stay extremely focused.

Dream

2006-10-01T11:13:00.000-07:00

I have a dream. My dream is to be a successful and respectable intellect.

I want to retire comfortably with:

1. A lovely and caring wife, with 2 or more kids. A Happy and HealthyFamily.
2. 5 Million SIN dollars of cash holdings/ stocks/ bonds: M3.
3. A nice landed property with garden and car lawn large enough to park 5 cars.
4. A Masters in Finance/BA and MSc Maritime Studies.

I will start working hard now. This is the only way to achieve my dream. I have a dream. Not only I have a dream. I have a plan.

Tons of quizes this week. I will work hard... I started real late. But I pray that I can cope well. I need to score well. I will do my best with utmost integrity. I know people prob. will start copying, but I will not. I will receive what I truely deserve.

ill-disciplined

2006-09-29T08:55:00.000-07:00

ai~.. what the hell have I been doing? wasting time.... wasting time.. wasting time... and waiting for dooms day. I have been so extremely lethargic, unmoitvated, unproductive for days.. wtf! Shitz.

I am pissed with myself. Also.. I am so stupid cos I just keep wanting to spend some time with zhenzhen but she is always busy... exams.. ai~ what can I do? stooopid... I still got more than 48hrs. WAKE UP!!!..... THE ONLY THING I did right today was chatting with my grandparents.. staring at the bloody idiotic black box is the most frustrating event. I shall not buy a TV next time.. to hell with TV.

Quizes..quizes.. die liao. better do sth now! Give me some engergy... i just feeling like dying in the day. my nights and wee-hrs have become my most active period. bad..

Zero Debt Policy

2006-09-04T03:38:00.000-07:00

'Zero Debt Policy' : the policy of clearing all my tutorials and lecture notes at the end of every week (Zhi Chao, 2006). Wahaha.. In order to keep up with school work.. not only that but to build a strong foundation in order to excel, I cannot afford to accumulate debt. I must be discipline. I have to complete all my work within the week by the end of the week and constantly monitor my own progress.

Like what Augustine told me... pusuing a degree education is just like running a 400m X 4 sprint. the only difference is that you are the only one running the entire distance with more than 7 others competitors on the track. While you must run fast, you must not burn out from the beginning. To win the race, it is about running fast at a steady pace which one can keep up for the entire 1.6km. There are opportunities for small breaks at the end of each lap, but these breaks are insufficient for one to rejuvenate. Even during the break, we gotta keep working and thinking about the next lap. Varying one's speed during the race is akin to how hard one works during each term; when to slow down or when to forge ahead has to be carefully planned.

Our shoes/ attire and weather are external factors which can cause us to slow down and eventually lose the race. While we can choose the right shoes and attire to wear, we cannot control the weather. Similarly, we can arm ourselves with the best knowledge before examinations but we cannot determine the level of difficulty of the exams. However, weather can be predicted.

Maritime Studies Seminar

2006-08-30T03:31:00.000-07:00

Learning points:

1. Rehearse and prepare well before the actual event.
2. Be thorough and systematic in running through the sequence of events and items list
3. Be prepared for any contigency
4. Be humorous and entertaining
5. Be witty

this was an okay experience. The event isnt as big/significant as what i was used to - hosting ministers and VVIP. and also the culture and organisation standards are very different from my training. I must seek to help improve the current situation. I grade mine performance 7 out of 10. I repeated a sentence in one paragraph... this should not have happened and it is not accpeted. I would probably have done better if the supporting cast were more prepared - ie. VIP usherer knew her role. Was disappointing. She was certainly not prepared for her role.

Arete and Hozho

2006-08-23T05:18:00.000-07:00

Atehnian philosopher Gorgias: For a city, the finest komos [both order and adornment] is a good citizenry, for a body it is beauty, for a soul it is wisdom, for action it is arete," or excellence.

taking stock of the first 2.5 weeks in school. well, not too bad.. but nothing too exciting as well.

I am happy that:

1. Got a room in hall2, really extremely convenient for school and training.
2. I have got a pretty good timetable. decent one. and i got all the subjects that I wanted.
3. Everyone at home is healthy and happy.
4. My brother has graduated from UWA.
5. I am still motivated
6. Found a group of tustworhty and sincere friends in MS.

I am unhappy about:

1. Still unable to find somehting (to do) that I am really interested in.
2. New to hall2, do not know the people here.
3. The environment here is not as stimulating as I wish it were.. I want more intellectual people!
4. I feel tired pretty often.

I am afraid of:
1. Mathematics BUT i am going to do something abt it.

I just pray hard that life will get better. More activities, more fun and excellent results!

Extremely Disappointed.

2006-08-13T23:44:00.000-07:00

I am extremely disappointed today. The reason: I failed my driving test once again.. on my second attempt. Becasue of this, I have to book another test and a driving session.. costing me 213 bucks. Now, i am feeling not only disappointed by also BROKE. I wanted to save some money. But sad to say, I have failed to keep to my targeted expenditure for this month. All becuase of this 200 of incidental expenditure. Sad. How to cheer up?

1. Maybe if I had gotten my licence today, I would be involved in accident on road as I am not ready to drive on the road.

2. I am just shuai... shld go to the temple before my next test.. haa

3. Well, just a minor consolation: I got an A- for developmental psych. and a Passed grade for social psych. I did pretty well at UCLA. At least, that means that I din waste my time and money there cos I had enjoyed the trip thoroughly.

Ai~ thats all.. going for class now. I shall start setting new goals and objectives for this new academic year. I MUST maintain my First Class Honour Standards! I shall survive. I will work extremely hard. I dun care if I get enough rest.. I will do whatever it takes to do well in my studies.. of course.. I WILL pass my next driving test. Pls bless me. haa

I want to get my Masters before i turn 30

2006-07-31T00:49:00.000-07:00

Mmm.. suddenly I feel a strong urge to get a MBA before I turn 30. well, before that.. I shall earn my first class honours or at least a second upper for my undergraduate studies.

Msc Maritime Studies? MBA in Finance? Masters in public policy and government? Masters in BA? Mmm.. let me think about it seriously. My military career is not going to stop me from achieving my dreams. If I had to leave to complete my studies... mmm.. maybe I would. Well, the best scenario would be that I can be allowed to do my Masters while I serve my bond. Seeking for higher education..

I must be the top 1 percent in the world.. in terms of?... mmm... i will think abt it. haha

I knew very little abt the middle east crisis.

2006-07-30T22:12:00.000-07:00

For the past one week, major newspapers around the world have been reporting on the conflicts and confrontations between Isarelis Forces and the Hezbollah (in south lebanon). I never knew anything in depth about the middle east conflict until I spoke to this Austrain reporter on Saturday afternoon. Afterwhich, I went on to search on the internet for more information about this crisis and other news which are related to the build up of this military confrontation...

Apparently, Hezbollah ignited this conflict by kidnapping 2 Isarelis soldiers.. and that caused Isarel to retaliate with disproportionate amount of force by launching series of air strikes in south lebanon. I was shocked and disturbed by the number of innocence who were killed in this confrontation.. mmm.. there is just to much to write ... but basically. the civillians are often the ones who die and suffer from such 'political' disputes...

Someone wrote: If the US or its ally uses force, it is for security purposes. If anyone else uses force, it is called terrorism. Interesting.. isnt it? maybe we should all sit down and start thinking abt this.

World Peace.

Harvard University

2006-07-24T23:57:00.000-07:00

The best of the best. When can I get there? Will I ever get there to study one day? Maybe for a MBA, or even just for professional courses or formal events which certifies my participation. haha.

I want to be the best among the best. I want to be on top of the world. Working hard now.. pray hard that one day, I can join the rank of the elites. Not elite class in singapore, but global elites.

Working hard. maybe one.. who knows for sure? Desire for learning continues. desire for intellectual stimulation is tremendous. Desire... I have the greatest desire to reach there one day.

2 more weeks to go

2006-07-24T00:34:00.000-07:00

time flies. 2 more weeks to go. 3 more exams at UCLA and I would have completed 2 psychology modules at UCLA. The experience is fantastic.. it is truely amazing and I love it here. Well, although the trip is pretty pricey but I cherish these special moments. It is all worthwhile.. making new friends, learning new stuff, travelling independently, seeing new things, experiencing a new culture. I will never forget abt this beautiful experience.

I look forward to Yr 2 sem 1 in NTU. Hope that there will be positive changes in the learning environment. I look forward to learning and to growing both intellectually and physically. I pray that one day, back at home, we will truely become the best in the world. not only academically but also in the areas of arts, culture.. living etc etc..

It is not about the little little things in life; it is about the special moments that we'll remember.

first piece of work completed.. social psychology

2006-07-10T00:52:00.000-07:00

Spent my entire sunday working on this piece of assignment. cant believe it! I am pretty disappointed with my speed.. not much inspiration. But the good news was that i completed the assignment under little stress.. quite enjoyed the luxury of time... it was a peaceful sunday. Maybe it was also a good idea to stay home and 'rest'.. and that i have completed my work, maybe i can go out on Monday. haha.

Still have an exam to study for though. Dev. Psych test on Tuesday.. heavy weightage.. dun pray pray. And I will receieve my 130 take home exam on Tue.. to be submitted on Thurs. expecting a busy week ahead! I hope to get reply from the childcare centre soon though.. meanwhile, I shall do some research on report writing on infant studies. Must score for this written assignment.

That's all. I pray for a fun-filled and enriching week ahead!

In social relations, Self esteem is mantained through:

2006-07-07T23:40:00.000-07:00

1. Social reflection
2. Social comparison

Abraham Tesser's: Self evaluation maintenance model. This theory explains why we draw closer to or away from successful people we have relationship with due to our desire to maintain self esteem.

- self esteem increases when u engage in social reflection
- " " decrease when u engage in social comparison

Emotional bond determines the stronger the self esteem effect.

Determinants of whether one engage in social reflection or comparison:
1. relevant of event to self concept
2. Certainty abt abilities in the certain domain

Reduce self esteem threat:

1. exaggerate the ability of victor
2. downward comparison
3. emotional distancing
4. disidentification with task

What is the diff between "I" and "me"?

Studying in Powell Library

2006-07-07T16:19:00.000-07:00

Studying has never been so 'fun' and 'exciting' for me. Am I going crazy? haa.. well I guess that for me, the studying environment plays an important role in determining my 'productiveness' and effectiveness' in learning.

The Library is indeed a great place.. the traditional western architecture is simply beautiful.. feels as in I have been set back 50 years... just like what we often see in Hollywood movies... Intellectuals browsing thru the shelves and reading very chim aricles. ahaha

I have borrowed my Dev. Psych text and I shall work on it tonight. Also, I will need to start work on my observation study liao. Pray hard that I get my slot cos the Child Care centre offered me a slot which I had lesson and hence I called them this morning to change the slot.. Please approve my visiting.. ahaa.. else die liao.. where to find children to 'stare at'? I love kids. They are lovable and adorable... U know why kids have BIG ROUND eyes? I know.

Today is Friday... I slept for almost half of the day.. no idea why I felt so tired.. well prob I expanded to much energy at the Dodgers Game.. wahaha.. The school is very empty.. wheres the usual crowd? All gone partying.. i guess.. come on, it is a Friday! Think only loser like me will stay on campus.. but who cares.. I had my fair share of fun yesterday.. cant party forever right?
Well, i will be going for a swim in abt an hour time.. a consolation? ahhaa..

One thing I have learnt today..or rather I ought to have learnt long time ago is that I shall never stay in my room.. cos it makes me depress and sleepy. The sun is right up in the sky and I am stucked in my room.. what the hell... Coming out on campus.. or even to the library makes me more awake.. I just need to see humans.. haa..

Back to my book.

Second week of tutotial

2006-07-05T14:38:00.000-07:00

Had fun in class... but all the deadlines and quizes are coming up next week.. so... I have to really start studying.

I met this girl in class called Sarah.. she is going to be a mum soon! How cool, coming to class with a small little boy in her stomach.. whaahaa.. maybe it is good cos next time when the boy grows up... he may become very intellectual.. whhaa.. she is a happy mother-to-be.

Weird things happen in LA, or rather in US. haha. feeling tired now, I am gonna take a noon nap. Afterwhich, I will wake up and study.. and maybe visit westwood or sth lidat. Need to purchase my MLB tix tonight.. life rocks!

I am going to cherish every moment here.... Dear, I miss you though. No worries... when you go to Sydney, we can have our honeymoon there.. wahaha.. pp?

*evil-grin* If you dun want it to happen to you, dun do it on others? heehee..

I am having a great time.. time to study VERY Hard!!

2006-07-05T00:40:00.000-07:00

I am having a great time at UCLA.. though i miss my dearest girl and my family.. heez. Mmm, life here is really different from Singapore. I guess that i appreciate the climate, the culture and the atmosphere here. Sth new is always a novelty. At least, for now, I am still quite excited abt exploring the place and meeting new people.. haha.

But as I maintain, this trip is really expensive. In order to justify the cost of the trip, I guess that the least I could do is to learn some concrete from the lessons and to give my fullest attention in class. Also, from now onwards, I will consciously take note of best practices here so that I can bring it back home to share with my friends and even lecturer. We must learn from others in order to improve.. right?

At the end of the trip, I must not only pass the 2 psych subjects, but I must only ensure that I truely benefit from the new knowledge that I have gained. also, from the new friendships forged.

ya.. my lectuere just emailed me.. mmm he asked me to call him.. duno whether he has some good projects on hand.. haa. hope so.

should I go to SF?

2006-07-03T21:36:00.000-07:00

A week in California 25 June to 2 July 2006

2006-07-03T15:34:00.000-07:00

Cliche as it may sound, time flies. I have already been in Los Angeles, California for one week. To be more specific, in UCLA.

It is indeed a great place to be! Nice surrounding, nice buildings and everything.. but the temp is climbing in the summer. Hoepfully I can still take it.. haha.

The first day , Sunday 25 June - Arrived in LAX at 2040 on THAI. The flight was pretty comfortable and the food onboard is pretty good for economy class. it took me 2 hrs from sin to BK and another 17 hrs from BK to LAX. Still remembered that i reached Changi airport at about 12 noon sin time with a large contigent... haaha.. sending off party. zhen, my parents, bro +gf, grandparents, 3 aunties and uncle .. amazing right?

Upon arrival at LAX, I actually did not know where to head to immediately, though I know that i have to look for the BLUE super shuttle service which will bring me to UCLA. Luck was with me.... I found the shuttle stop and boarded the bus within the next 10 min or so. Reachec Rieber Hall at abt 11pm and checked in without any hussle. The process was pretty fast and efficient. The hall turned out to be better than I had expected.

Day 2 Monday - I had no lesson today. Just wanted to orientate myself with the campus and look ard the beautiful campus. Day 1 in campus.. what a beautiful sight.. the green fields and so on.. went to crash for a lesson on management and leadership with Jinyu (cos nothing much to do).. meanwhile, still adjusting to the jet lag. feeling a bit blur thruout the day. the day just passed like this.. nothing much. got a first preview of lec in UCLA. pretty impressed with the facilities and the teaching style.

Day 3, Tuesday - My FIRST official day of lectures. Social Psychology was great fun. the lecturer is interesting and engaging.. sth very diff from singapore. Dev Psych was rather boring and 'content-full'. resembles sin lec system. haha, is it just my bias? Maybe. Anyway, the students here appear to be pretty intellectual. at least on the surface.. aha.

Day 3, Wednesday - FIRST tutorials. the students are indeed 'intimidating' very intelligent and out-spoken. The tut were fun filled and engaging.. everyone spoke up.. including me!! haha. I guess that the culture and values here are just diff.. can u imagine - people can just offer their personal opinion on how they feel after reading the article, without prompting from the tutor. the entire class is orchestrated by the students. Interesting enough.. maybe we can learn from them. New discussion points and qns are initiated by students rather than by the tutor. Got to start studying hard now.... siren sounding.. haha.

Day 4 - 2 lec. went for 1.5 lec, skipped the last hour of dev. lec cos I was rushing for the Greyhound BUS to Las Vegas!!! 4 Days 3 Night!!

More on LV.. to be continued..

Mission completed

2006-06-14T20:54:00.000-07:00

Waoz liews.. finally the exam is over. Hope that I will pass... actually must pass.. cannot just hope. Ai~ super careles.. though the paper is super easy. I bet people will score full marks cos it is pure regurgitation.. but as usual i am at a disadvantage cos i've got poor memory.. mmm think i should go for some memory training programme liao.

I MUST pass... please help me.. divine forces.. haha. This is the situation:

1. For the 30 percent project component: I will get 20 marks.

This leaves me with 30 marks to score for the exam (70 percent), meaning that I need to garner 42 marks out of 100 from the paper.

MCQ 50 marks - damm bloody easy but I am damm sotong too.. so shuai and so many mistakes. SHIT!! I shal get 30 marks (min)

Open -end, 50 marks - I will score 25 marks (min).

TOTAL : 55 marks (min) - PASSED/ SATISFACTORY.

Lucky that i S/U this subject. really sucky and not to my liking.

Whats next? competition time~!!! then to UCLA...

May all the good luck and good charm be with me.

IPPT not taken

2006-06-13T21:13:00.000-07:00

Immediate causation (business law): If not for me being late, I would not have missed the test. Hence, it is of no consideration that shawn did not pre-book our slots and did not inform us a about the long queue. He is not at fault.

On moral grounds, he had failed in delivering what he ought to do as a promise to a friend. I was supposed to find out which ship is conducting IPPT and inform him. Then, he is supposed to pre-book our slots one week in advance. He failed to do so. Two, as a friend, he failed to inform us or to check our whereabouts in the morning. We had agreed to meet at 7.15pm. Given that we were late, it is reasonable to expect a friend to give a call to alert us. Furthermore, in seeing that the IPPT queue is already building up, he should have told us to abandone our plan so that we can save the time and money in travelling.

This time round, I am disappointed in his ommision of act. I hope that this is the last time that such 'incident' happens. It is not good for his career if he continues his style of doing things.

For me, well... it is over. No point looking back. Just hope to clear my IPPT asap... before I leave for america.

thx, have a good day ahead.. study..study..study..

Stay focused for now. STUDY

2006-06-13T05:52:00.001-07:00

I shall study hard for my exams on Thursday.. Nanotechnologies and Society. Aim: B+! I can achieve. Stay focused. The race is not over... as zhenzhen said: " learn to prioritize. Do what is most important at the moment"

I shall Pray hard that everything will be smooth going.

1。慈悲
2。爱心
3。宽容
4。毅力
5。智慧
6。魅力
7。健康
8。幸福

Stay focused for now. STUDY

2006-06-13T05:52:00.000-07:00

Keeping cool, being at ease.

2006-06-13T05:39:00.000-07:00

When things seem to go wrong and nobody seems to be able to help solve the problem, remember to maintain a cool mind and be at ease. The hall allocation is really screwed up... the system as well as those who were paid to handle the system. at the end of the day, I guess the system handled them. The administrators were helpless citing policy reasons. They appeared strict and rule-abiding but a closer check revealed that they are able to manipulate the system.

1. Wrongful allocation.
2. Offering a diff room at their own free will when they maintained that they cannot help transfer students at this moment.

Maybe it is just the school's culture and management that is at fault. I can understand that they are extremely busy. But i cant understand why when they are questioned, they tend to avoid the issues I brought up, instead gave a bureacratic reply. I am sick of it. People are there to make things happen and correct errors when the computers fail. But this bunch of administrators are helpless.. or rather hopeless. I can understand that they are busy at this period, but is this a good enough reason to ignore problem?

There is nothing that i can do now. as they say LL.. I shall just accept this offer and pray for the best outcome when i appeal.

But I am not going to let the issue rest, for I am not a coward. when something is not in place, it has to be corrected. the system must be questioned. I question why some people with 20 over points can be allocated a room... this is totally ridiculous!

Deep sense of satisfaction

2006-06-05T09:49:00.000-07:00

Mmm.. a sense of relief. 4.73

The road is tough and the wait is long.

What's next?

Exams Over!!!!!!!

2006-05-01T21:56:00.000-07:00

Walao! Finally, it is all over... wahahaa... super SIONG. think i am never gonna take 7 subjects again... somemore all are core subjects.. no joke man,, almost killed myself. Now, I am just glad and relieved that I have survived the exams! It lasted for 3 bloody weeks! I almost died in the middle.

NOW, I hope for at least 5 As and 2Bs with NO C. Please man.. bless me, cos i dun want to be disfigured with a C grade on my transcript.. I am smart u see. n since i worked so hard, i dun think that i deserve a C grade for any subject. Never studied so hard before! GPA equal or more than 4.5!!! May i be blessed to be on Dean's List for academic year 05-06!

Look forward now:

1. Driving test ( Pray that I pass at the first go)
2. Zhenzhen's 21st Bday
3. Intersem
4. Softball Training
5. UCLA summer programme
6. Spend more time at home
7. Tidy up my room
8. Tidy up finances

too tired now.. insonmia last night... now gonna catch a nap. will continue to write soon.. tata

You can take a man out of the navy, but u cant take the navy out of him

2006-04-28T09:38:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time since I read a statement which intrigued me so much. It is more than meaningful.. maybe it is worthwhile to reflect on this code from RADM Liu.

the values, the ethics, the people, the interactions, the experiences, the trainings and much much more. What do I want in this career?

I look forward to serving. I look forward to living an honourable and worthlife in the navy. In the navy, I will seek to learn from others (my bosses, my peers and my men). I will improve myself and I will work to improve life.

I told myself this: I want to contribute to society. I want to change lives. I will stay through with my conviction and seek to fulfill my purpose in whichever capacity I am in.

Yours truely.

2 more to go.. wahahaa.. But 2 core.

2006-04-25T23:43:00.000-07:00

Completed HP 306 today - Psychology at the workplace aka I/O psych. Hope to get at least a A grade. should be ok la. One more for this week!!! My Core subject.. diedie also must get A!! Transport Liability and INCO terms!!! MT 1201..

Study Hard, no.. very very hard.. try to recall everything once again. I will survive~!!

Press on...

2006-04-25T08:37:00.000-07:00

the stars are shining.

the journey is painful and tedious.
now, I am only half way through.
I can decide to change my pace,
to change my direction.

I would reach a different destination.

The destination so sweet is one that is hard to reach.

Endure the weight on my shoulders,
Endure the burden tossed upon my small frame,
Endure the moments,

for enduring is going to bring me to the sweetest destination.

I will complete the journey and enjoy the sweetness of success.

4 down, 3 more to go. What is the status now?

2006-04-25T01:32:00.000-07:00

What is the status now?

Pray hard that i am going to get the following grades.. in any case Please bless me with at least 4 As and 3 Bs...(GPA of at least 4.. hopefully near 4.5) there must not be any 'C' on my transcript!! I dun wish to be disfigured.. I have worked hard and tried my best liao.. well carelss at times but pls do not ounish me for my carelessness cos my effort has been consistent throughout the entire semester...

CS100 - Fundamentals of Comms Studies: A .. should not be a problem

AB 106 - Principles of Economics : A.. should not be a problem

AB 107 - Business Law: B+ / B (pretty disappointing, cos I did well for the 30 percent. exam was tough.. i really regret to have thrown away my hard work and sweat..)

HP 102 - Fundamentals of Social Science Research : A (waolao if I miss my minimm of A-, I will cry cos, I worked so hard for this sbj and the exam paper was relatively easy.. i was f***king careless though..I did well for the 40 percent..)

HP 306, MT 1201 and MT 1301... yet to come.

The race is not over.. it is a marathon not a sprint. For u and for all, I will work hard..suck it up for another 2 full days - 25/26 april 2006... n take a short break before taking the final challenge..

I CAN DO IT!

Stay focused now. dun throw away sth good.

2006-04-20T05:00:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow is my Ab 107 business law paper. I've gotten an A for my written assignment and an A+ for my participation and presentation. another 70 percent will be made up by the exam tomorrow! I hope that i can secure at least a decent A.. well, the best is that by tmr 5.00pm, I would have scored 3 As and that leaves me with lesser pressure on the rest of my 4 subjects. Remember 5.0..HRM...., i can do it. I seek to be the best and I will become the best!

God bless me. reward my effort, hardwork, honesty and sincerity! I have tried my best.

Good lUck to me~ =)

Stay focused now. dun throw away sth good.

2006-04-20T05:00:00.000-07:00

2 down, 5 more to go.

2006-04-18T03:11:00.000-07:00

One down, 6 more to go.

2006-04-13T02:09:00.000-07:00

no regrets. I have done my best.

2006-04-06T06:40:00.000-07:00

Now i know what i do not know. I will continur to work hard. I have no regrets, but I certainly do hope to score above 40 out of 50. Please reward me for my effort.

making pogress.. slow and steady.

2006-04-05T04:13:00.000-07:00

whaha.. I am making some decent progress.. slowly and steadily. A bit distracted by some mini celebration on Friday.. some good foood. nvm, i will keep up the momentum. Hopefully can gain some speed. Today, i missed my business law tut. hope that my tutor will get back to me. haha

For All of YOU, I am going to STUDY HARD and do u PROUD!

2006-04-03T10:39:00.000-07:00

Ah Gong, Ah Ma, my parents and Zhenzhen. All for you and for my future.I will not let you people down cos I know u believe in me! I shall do yoy proud!

Love you all~!

i know that u will always be here for me

2006-03-27T08:13:00.000-08:00

I am thankful for your presence. All else can change but I know that ur love for me will never change.. No matter how much i can achieve, nothing can be compared to having u by my side, sharing my happiness and sorrow. sometimes, i just have to bring myself back to reality... achievements are important, but what's successes without love and care and someone to share the joys with. Ultimately, you are the one and only who i treasure most.. May bliss and happiness be with us forever.. my dearest. All else can go but not you.

I've made up my mind.

2006-03-13T23:36:00.000-08:00

I guess that I have wasted quite some time in considering whether to go for the US summer programme. Also, I have been really unproductive during the past few days. I HAVE MADE UP my MIND.

FIRST, from today, 14 Mar 06 => Full Ahead all engines! I will study like crazy from today onwards n strive to be my usual productive and highly efficient self. I MUST get at least 5 As on my transcript for this term.. n hopefull be in the Dean's list. GPA must be more than 4.5o.

For the past 3 quizes, I have done OK (average of 80 plus). NOt really happy with the score cos i was expecting better results. In any case, these scores just mean that I have to work harder to achieve what I want to achieve. At the rate I am working... it is NOT good enough. I must ACED all my subjects. I know that I CAN DO IT!

Next, on the advice on my uncle: MOney can be earned back in future, but opportunity gone will never come back again. I have decided to go for the Summer Programme at the prestigous UC Berkeley. I cant be bothered to think more.. I will go and plan out the details later...

4 WEEKS to go... counting down! I still have time now. It is up to me to make best use of this time before exam.. Be healthy and keep up the good spirit!

I will achieve!!

Mood Now: upbeat, positive and highly motivated!

Sign off
-ZhiCHao-

what i value most.

2006-03-02T13:47:00.000-08:00

mmm, was really touched after reading zhen's mail. well, she said was true.. some things are external and some are eternal.. we all wish we could spend time the way we actually want, but the fact is that we are all subjected to external constraints ... lectures, tutorial, assigment, training n whatsover,, Sometimes we do get distracted n what is important is that we talk about our feelings opnely n seek to solve a common problem.. the key point is not to point finger too quickly. we ought to be rational, pragmatic in dealing with emotional matters. one way to go about doing it is to write out our emotions n our priority.

disillusioned for hours.

2006-02-21T11:11:00.000-08:00

for years, never felt like this before. at least not because of the issue at hand. hsiwtadidahrevennowkouy. never wanted to stray... never wanted to deviate. i really do not know what got into me. there are rules in this game. whoever breached the rule shall be punished. sweet, beautiful. bitter, ugly. taken, still wanted. fooled. played out. why? crap. all a test. nothing is going to be smooth forever. i will conquer. I will win. win over myself. all the best to you- the possesive and childish one. be loved, be cared. wished she was like you sometimes. nevermind,never cared. doesnt matter. stability, false serenity. candy-sweet and addictive. truth hurts. faceit. time to wake up.. ***ring***never appreciated. still carry on. candy is dead, no emotions. no response. never will know. maybe it was fate. all fate. or was it fake? god knows.

life is not a ned of roses... do not be complacent

2006-02-12T07:43:00.001-08:00

hey dude, accomplishing it once does not gurantee success the next time. Please remind yourself that u gotta work hard for the most desirable results. waste time now n u'll find it too late when u regret... SO please start working hard now. All distractions aside. FOCUSED! I have always to keep in mind all the bad experiences. I must not let myself down.

I will be on Dean's List this year.

life is not a ned of roses... do not be complacent

2006-02-12T07:43:00.000-08:00

the best is yet to be.

2006-01-31T05:30:00.000-08:00

5 min of talk over the telephone. all is so different. it has awakened me to the diff between the best of the best and being just mediocre.

what is 4.5? it is not good enough. make it 5. even if it is a perfect 5, there is still room for improvement. it can happen. "I was not born smart. create ur own strategy to make it happen."

think of ways to make it happen and act on it. it will happen. start with a strong belief, a strong sense of commitment.

Two, plan out your strategy.

Three, action.

Four, evaluate and modification.

that's all. Live to the max!

feeling disillusioned

2006-01-22T19:58:00.000-08:00

after 3 weeks of starting school, I am starting to feel a bit loss and disillusioned. I am starting to question myself if i had been working hard and if it is sufficient for me to do well this semester.

7 subjects are indeed a heavy burden. I hope that i can manage well and attain a GPA as close to 4.5 as possible. I need to constantly remind myself to stay focused. n make best use of time which I am not doing so at the moment.

Being appointed as the vice captain of my softball team is indeed a joy. it gives me a great sense of satisfaction and i am certain that I can play a bigger role in the team with my capacity as vice captain. I will certainly do my best for the team.

The goal: A closer team and higher level of skills. We play to win for every game.

-zhichao-

A few things which i have learnt.

2006-01-17T22:05:00.000-08:00

Well, speaking to different people is an interesting and meaningful affair at times.

" Test your limits"- this was told to me by one of my friends. At that point, i was still comtemplating whether to go ahead with my deicsion of taking 7 subjects this semester. Well, I have now convinced myself that I should go ahead, based on this wonderful/ wise statement. I would never have known how far I can reach and push my limits unless I tried. So now, I have take this chance to test my limits. hopefully all turns out well. I believe and i am convinced that it is a worthy try.

In any case, we ought to drop the fear of failing and stop castigating people who tried and failed. Instead, we should depise those who have never even tried before. As the saying goes," failure is the mother of all successes"... The point i am trying to make here is that we ought to push ourselves and not sit/ hide in our comfort zone. If we knew that we could already achieve sth, then what is the point or satisfaction of doing the same thing all over again? what is the derive from winnning a competition which we had won before? We must stepped out and up to face greater challenges.. this is manner, we progress not linearly but exponentially.

that's all for now. Back to my books. Looking forward to learning new things later in the day.

-Treasure the present moment-