3 more papers to go. 5 more days to Perth

3 paper completed

Hope I did well. Again, I am praying that I at the very least make a pass for stats and prob. I even dreamt of that paper. What a mightmare. I will work hard.. feeling burnt now. 4 more papers to go. I must get A plus for MT 3301. I will achieve. 9 more days to freedom.. but these 9 days are like hell week. Bless me.

Disappointed. Devestated. Demoralised.

I felt really terrible after the stats and prob exam. I could not do the paper and I think I risk not making the passing marks. I am felt desparate and helpless at the same time. the seconds just ticked by.. my heartbeat increases exponentially.. the feeling of doom dawns upon me.

Sequences of the worst scenarios flow through my mind. Letter of warning... Liquidated damages.. the people (my loved ones) who are going to be affected. I rarely felt so srewed for quite some time. I pray very hard that if I were not to be rewarded for my 'ingenuity' in mathematics, pls.. all divine forces, blessed me and reward me for my hard work and good attitude. I studied very hard, I prepared all that I could. I read through my stuff many times.. but still, was it nervousness? was it mental block or simply pure stupidity? I cannot afford to fail. I was hoping for good grades. But now, I pray that I can get at least a B-, if not, pls do not ever let me fail., please.... Getting a poor grade means lower GPA, but at least I can fight back. I simply cannot fail and I probably cant bear the pain of doing the subject again. Mercy on my poor soul.

Help! Help! Help!

It is over. I have to move on. But pls pray for me. I dare not think of the future. At least, not until I know my results. Pls, at least a GPA of above 4.0. I will work hard.

To my dearest, I am sorry. I tried my very best. It hurts me when I fail to live up to what I expect of myself and to have 'failed you' in that sense. I want to do well, cos I want to provide a comfortable living for you in the future. I could have done better.

You asked me, " when do you want to marry me?" . When I am sure that I can support you and give you a comfortable living and a happy family. I want to share my happiness but not my sorrows.

Had a pretty relaxed day.

tuesday, 7 Nov. I chose to gave myself a breather. 2 hours of lesson. Had chicken rice for dinner and pasta for supper. wahaa.

Exam starts next week. Creeping slowly and gaining fine momentum. I have goals to work towards. I believe that I can achieve what I set out to achieve from the beginning. This self believe is important. I must remind myself that afterall, I am a scholar. I am responsible for my own learning and also to many others who supported me through this journey. I cannot let them down.

If the President Scholars can do it, so can I. I never believe that I am in anyway lesser than them. Well, I figured out that they are more focused than i am and they worked harder.

I will work my way to earn a deserving holiday in Australia!